Just very recently I saw someone post a graphic on a Messenger Group Chat on which I am obliged to be a part of. The graphic has the following words – “Proposing to a Lady at age 30 is not engagement, it is called rescue mission“.
Whoever authored that quote, I have the following questions:
- A “rescue mission” from what?
- Whatever you answer is to that first question, you think we need to be rescued from it? And the “it” refers to your answer to my first question.
- If you answered yes to the second question, I’d like to ask why?
- And whatever your answer is to the why question, do you think that the essence of this one life we have is just be proposed to? To be married? To give birth to children before our biological clock gives in?
- Is that what life is all about to you?
At the risk of sounding like a sour-graping old maid (which usually is the case), I’ll say it anyway –
I am NOT a half person because I am still single. I am a WHOLE person even though I am currently single. I am a COMPLETE person even on my own.
If there is something broken in my life, I am not counting on my boyfriend or husband to fix it. I still have to right my wrongs and be responsible for my own healing. It will be unfair for him if I bet on him to be my balm.
Also, my worth is not deduced to a theological footnote when others tell me “being single is better because you can do more ministry”.
Very often single women, single elderly women, like me, would think and feel that they are “on hold” or being “held back” because they imagine so much will change when they get married. Maybe it will, but likely it won’t. I will still have doubts and victories, frustrations and blessings, loneliness and fullness. I still have to get up, put on clothes, go to work and learn how to be a decent human being.
And while marriage tarries and regardless of my female biological limitations (to which most would refer to), I will move boldly and joyfully in the direction of my dreams. As Lynette Lewis would say “There is nothing quite as attractive as someone living their dreams, full of life, engaged in a variety of interesting things. Open to relationships YES, but not desperate or increasingly depressed…”
To all the single ladies (and men)
The challenge is what we do with these times. Will we waste, or learn to use, our waiting? Know that the slower times contain epic adventures but only when we recognize them. Otherwise, we can grow impatient and end up making a wrong decision – for life.
Oftentimes, we wait for Jerry Maguire who will tell us “…I love you. You complete me.” so that we can respond the same way Dorothy Boyd responded “… you had me at hello.” Truth is, no man or woman can complete us. Only Jesus Christ can 100% complete us. Let heaven write our love story.
Let’s stop putting our confidence in our civil status. Let’s start living life to the fullest regardless of our civil status. Know that God has us exactly where He wants us to be, civil status and all.
While our Jerry Maguires or our Dorothy Boyds have not arrived yet, let us all work on that one grand love story that our other love stories rest on – the love story between us and our Saviour.
Let’s ponder with Jeff Goins, “What if we surrendered to the wait, learning to live in those “boring” moments with more intention? What if we fell in love with the in-between times, relishing instead of resenting them?”
No, I don’t need to be rescued from my singleness. Being single at age 30 or at age 40, even at age 50 or 60 is not a tragedy nor is it a disaster. To be blunt about it, I’d rather remain single than be married to a man who sees me as his rescue mission.
My identity and my worth is not found in my civil status, it is only found in my relationship (not religion) with my Lord and Saviour. My confidence is found not because I am a girlfriend, a wife or a mother, my confidence is in my obedience to the Lord Jesus Christ.
That is all.